In recent weeks we have begun discussing the collaborative divorce process.  If you missed the previous installments in this series, you can find them here, here , here and here.  Part four discussed some things to expect in a collaborative divorce, and one of those things is the fact that your friends and family won’t understand the collaborative divorce.  Your circle of friends will try to advise you about your divorce. This causes two significant problems.

They Want To Give You Advice

For friends and family, the need to share their thoughts and feelings with you about your divorce is a real thing.  We empathize with people we care about who are going through a hard time, and one way we show that is to talk with them about their problems.  The real problem begins when their caring discussions give way to their advice about how you should deal with your problem.  If their divorce was a brutal, nasty, painful experience, then their advice will be based on that experience.  Of course if your friends and family never liked your spouse, then their advice will tend to be based on a need for revenge.

You Feel Compelled To Heed Their Advice

Your friends and family care about you.  In many cases, they have loved you for years, decades or even all of your life.  So when they bombard you with advice, it is often hard to reject it because rejecting it indicates you don’t respect it. In the same way your circle of friends feels compelled to offer you advice, you will likely feel compelled to follow that advice.

How Do You Politely Reject Their Advice?

We believe it is often easier to be proactive and prevent a deluge of unsolicited advice that you don’t need.  Announce to your friends and family that you don’t want their advice or meddling. Here’s a sample conversation:

“Hey __________________, I wanted to let you know that I have filed for a divorce.  I interviewed some attorneys until I found one that is aligned with my goals for the divorce.  My lawyer and I have developed a plan of action that we think will help keep the kids out of grown-up problems, preserve my assets, and preserve the relationship with my spouse so we can continue to be effective parents for our kids. 

I know you care for me and will want to offer me advice, but I have a plan, and I will be the one living with the outcome of the divorce when it’s done. Please keep your advice to yourself and know that I appreciate your willingness to respect my wishes on this matter.” 

Once your friends and family are aware that you don’t expect them to advise you about your divorce, it takes the pressure off of them, and it prevents hard conversations with them during the proceedings.

Youngblood Law, PLLC is a Fort Worth, Texas family law firm that uses a holistic approach to help people get on with their new life by getting done with their old life.  We proudly offer the collaborative divorce process for our clients.   #beforeyournext make sure this spouse is your ex! This essay is intended for educational use only, and is not a replacement for competent legal counsel.  If you are facing a family law matter, we recommend obtaining competent legal counsel like Youngblood Law, PLLC.  For more information, contact us at 817-601-5345, find us on the web at www.youngblood-law.com, or on your mobile device, open your browser and type in lawfw.biz and press Go.

Paul Youngblood #beforeyournext #lawfw #youngbloodlaw #singleforjinglejingle #collaborativedivorce #beingdivorceddoesntsuck