Facing a divorce is one of the most daunting events people can go through. There are many questions, concerns, and fears associated with divorce. When people are fearful, they often get into a defensive mindset. But what is the best mindset for a successful divorce?
The proper mindset for divorce requires an understanding of time. Time travels in one direction. While we can sometimes repair damage, we cannot go back in time. Consequently, we can never redo the action for the first time. For example, we scramble an egg, but we can never unscramble it. We all understand how time works.
Or do we? When it comes to divorce, many people stick in the past mentally and emotionally. What’s worse, many people make decisions during the divorce based on the current situation. People plan their post-divorce life as if they will live the same way they lived during their married life. In effect, these folks are planning their future based on their past. This is the wrong mindset for divorce. The correct mindset for divorce requires thinking of the future including the new post-divorce circumstances.
The Peter Principle
Have you heard of the Peter principle? This principle illuminates the logical flaw often encountered in modern business. Employees promote to new positions based on the employee’s performance in the current position. The problem is obvious: the skills needed for the new job might be radically different from the current position.
For example, promoting the best nurse in the office to office administrator could easily damage the whole office. Certainly, administrating a medical office requires fundamentally different skills than being a nurse requires! Rather than practicing as a nurse, the employee now shuffles papers, deals with employee schedules and ordering supplies. Duh! Now the office falls into disarray, and the best nurse isn’t helping patients. This is a recipe for disaster. A better method is to hire for the position based on the required skills. Hiring a new employee must be driven by the right mindset.
The Peter Principle Applied to Divorce
When facing a divorce, the temptation is to make decisions based on the marriage. It’s basically the Peter principle—making decisions for the future based on the past. A better mindset for divorce requires decision making based upon what you’ll need in the future financially, emotionally, mentally. The best mindset for divorce considers what relationships with children and the other spouse you want in the future. We recommend divorce decisions based on what kind of life you’ll want to live when the divorce is over. Plan for what you will need and want, not for what you always had. Planning ahead is the right mindset for divorce.
The proper mindset for divorce views the divorce itself as a vehicle. Simply put, a divorce should help get you moving toward the life you want to live in the future. The divorce should help you get your fair share of the marital assets. Likewise, the divorce should give you the access and possession you want with the children. Therefore, all legal decisions for the divorce should be focused on getting you the kind of life you want. The wrong mindset for divorce focuses on punishing your spouse at the expense of your future assets and relationships. We recommend a forward-looking mindset for divorce. We know of no other way to set our clients up for the future they want to live!
Takeaways: Using The Mindset for Divorce
The right mindset for divorce is forward-looking. Avoid the Peter Principle by avoiding planning for the future based on the past. Decide the kind of life you want to live after the divorce. Then use the divorce as a vehicle to get you to that life. Use the right mindset for divorce to guide your decisions and legal strategy.
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Youngblood Law, PLLC is a Fort Worth, Texas family law firm focusing on helping people get through the divorce process so they can get on with the rest of their lives. This essay is intended for educational use only, and is not a replacement for competent legal counsel. If you are facing a family law matter, we recommend obtaining competent legal counsel like Youngblood Law, PLLC. For more information contact us at 817-601-5345, find us on the web at www.youngblood-law.com. Find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/youngbloodlawPLLC/